Prayer Poem

God bless wood, and oxygen

God bless gold, and the paper it’s printed on

God bless menstruation, because it gives me a good reason to stomp out of the house

God bless Allah, Buddha, Krishna and Muhammad, and that weird Raelian Alien Voodoo God; Gargle-Farkle

God bless the letters J, N, D, L, E, and Y, otherwise I’d be called Oh Oo

God bless people named Timmy, Lentil, and Sunflower-Sprout, because they will be beaten by thugs named Buck, Chuck, and Holy Fuck, before they reach the third grade

God bless atheist lepers, for they are truly firm in their convictions

God bless marijuana, as it gives me something to smoke when I drink or screw

God bless close friends, who know when you need a hug, and when to bend over for a quickie

God bless sausage for its’ laughable phallic appearance, even though they’re made from hog balls and swine uteri

God bless the Wrong, because if loving me is wrong, I don’t want the Wrong to be right

God bless all our foods

Even the genetically altered ones that will someday insure that every living thing on the planet will be rendered inedible, so that we may inevitably starve to death, or dine on poison fruit

God bless the children, the little fucking children, who are insane monkey-like representations of their parents, and will soon enough become too damned important to sing out of joy

God bless the fact that when we get up off the toilet and put down the magazine and our feet are asleep with no feeling left whatsoever, our ankles don’t break on the way to the shower

God bless living-room curtains, so that I may hide behind them in fear from prejudicial eyes. Or ex-lovers, or the prejudicial eyes of ex-lovers, or whoever they’re supposed to be banging now looking in to see if she’s cheating on him with me, even though we were just kissing each others’ genitals good-bye for the last and final time

God bless water, and let me drink it after a satisfying session of sexual intercourse, and spankin’ ass behind those curtains

God bless meat-headed cops who aren’t getting any at home, and won’t, until they lose the gun and tear the hippie scalps from their belts

God bless our pets, and teach them to clean up after themselves

God bless masturbation, but please, quit peeking over my shoulder to see where I put the vibrator, and wiggle your big god finger in my ass instead

God bless our successful wars, and God damn those we lost

God? Bless me for taking the time to write

And God, bless You, even though you didn’t sneeze. And let’s hope you don’t