Welcome

We want to Welcome you all

Ladies & gentlemen, friends

Distinguished colleagues, honored guests, Republicans, and Americans

Assorted associates, strangers, automatons & borderline perverts

Welcome to those with tics and Tourettes, the poofed & primped

Slobs, manglers, leg wrestlers & knobs

Those with balsa wood peckers & pokerchip ears… Welcome

Benefactors, unibombers, lovers & cheats, over eaters, underachievers

Chronic suffers and the morbidly pleased

Heterosexuals, homosexuals, homoheteros, homebrewers, transgenders, hermaphrodites,

Metrosexuals, non-genders, cross-top buns.  And a shout to the eunuchs,

Castrators, antisexuals, and the proverbially corked in the audience who

Wouldn’t know sexy if it buttered your nipples in Belize

Aficionados of the spoken work, bibliophiles, Voxicarians, Literarians,

Fictionographers & Fabulists, Readers, writers, listeners

Known Googlers and the recently Googled

International foreign nationals, clubfoots, rednecks, bigheads, 

The uni-browed, under-armed insurgents, and the ambidextrously armless

Bee herders, politicos, executioners and

Podiatrists… Harlots & holographs, hambones, honey pots & coat hangers

Veg-etarians, cuspidors, carnivarians, bicuspidors & cud chewers

We’d especially like to mention the blind deaf mutes here tonight who have

Shown the world that poetry is still alive, even though they can’t read, hear,

Or talk about it

We’d also like to welcome the haphazardly haggard individuals with halitosis

Random hecklers, and the bald

Men and women of the cloth, People of the Dishtowel, and especially,

Spongeboy

Thanks, and welcome